


If You Go I Go

by Janecat



Series: Alone With You [8]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU - Comicverse
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-20
Updated: 2012-09-20
Packaged: 2017-11-14 15:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/516885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janecat/pseuds/Janecat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To the winner go the spoils.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Go I Go

“You're dead.” Dick mouths, his voice seeming to fail him.

“He's not going anywhere with you.” Jason spits out.

“That's not your decision to make, Jason.”

It's his decision right? Dick's choice. Except he's certain he has no say in it at all. To the winner go the spoils.

“You're dead.” he repeats finally aloud.

“I'll explain it all when we-” Tim starts.

“Save it.” Jason cuts him off, “If you think you can explain away all of Bruce's fuck ups than you're a lot more stupid than I thought.”

Dick's not really paying attention to their bickering instead looking to Bruce, “Where were you?” it sounds raw and a lot more pained than he expected. He knows no good answer will come from it. Does it even matter anymore? After so long?

He takes a breath and stands beside Jason. They left him to be used and torn apart. Left him to question his life, his sanity, his feelings. He doesn't need them anymore. He finally has Jason, there's proof of it right on his shoulder. Jason's marks. The man who dismantled him. The man who pieced him back together.

“I won't fight you, Dick.” Bruce says.

Another breath. He can't be weak. Now is not the time, “You hurt Jason, I hurt you.”

Jason the master manipulator. His captor. His keeper. And now finally, his lover?

“Looks like your brainwashing didn't take a strong enough hold, Bruce. Ah well, you got two spares.” Jason leers.

“I'm so-.” Dick barely manages to hear Bruce say before the flash bombs go off.

Dick tries to focus his senses, a kick to the chest knocks the air out of him sending him off balance. He can hear Jason and Bruce fighting, needs to get to them. Another attack, he manages to counter he thinks is Tim sweeping at his legs. Jason gives out a pained yell and his hair stands on end. No. He can't let Jason get hurt. Tim and Damian are doubling up on him now, they keep him busy while Bruce deals with Jason. Jason's hurt. He needs to help him. Dick slips past Damian but Tim's ready and swings forward with his staff. Dick slips under by a fraction of an inch but he still isn't quick enough. Damian tackles him to the ground, he feels something pierce the back of his neck. Within moments he goes limp, eyes rolling to the sky.

-

It's too hot. Dick's sweating. Suffocating. He sits up desperately gasping for air, his arms ripping away the heavy material surrounding him. He blinks, looks around the room, and blinks again. This isn't his and Jason's bedroom. This is _his_ bedroom back at the manor. His fingers curl gripping the heavy material he now registers as a thick down blanket.

“Hi.” he snaps his head to the side following the voice. Tim's sitting near the bed watching him. He looks tired, looks worried if Dick didn't know better.

Dick says nothing.

“I know,” Tim pauses then restarts, “I know you're upset but, it was the only way.”

He's home. Tucked away in his own bed. It all feels so wrong.

“Dick?”

He doesn't speak, thinks if he opens his mouth he might scream. His mind already is.

Tim moves to sit on the side of the bed, “Please say something.”

“Where's Jason?”

“He escaped. Bruce tried to restrain him but he gave him the slip.”

“Good.”

They sit in silence Dick can feel Tim's eyes on him, thinks of looking up but he can't. Doesn't need the pity his brother's eyes surely contain. He's not the same person Tim remembers, won't ever be. Why did they bring him back now? Didn't they know it was too late?

“When can I leave?” Dick asks.

“I don't really think that's a good idea right now.”

“I'm not- I'll be fine.” it doesn't sound all that convincing.

When Tim doesn't respond he finally looks up, the teen's gaze is fixed onto the bite on his shoulder.

“This?” he jerks his shoulder slightly, “I asked him to do it.” his voice quiet.

“Why?”

“Think of it like a keepsake.” he says and Tim looks away.

They lapse into another silence. Dick watches Tim tangle his fingers together lost in thought. It's like recalling an old memory. Little intricacies he can't believe he still remembers. Part of him wants to reach out to Tim another part is too afraid. He doesn't know what to do and by the looks of it neither does his brother.

“It's all my fault.” Tim says barely above a whisper, “You came to look for me, if I hadn't- you wouldn't have...”

“Tim-”

“No, just- let me explain. I looked for you, I did. I don't know if Jason told you different but you need to know. I tracked him down, I needed to know what happened to you. I didn't expect- I-” his voice cracks.

This is what Dick wanted right? What some of his anger towards his family was about?

“But you stopped looking after that.” Dick says flatly.

“What?”

“You gave up when you found out.”

Tim's face is a mix of confusion and hurt, “I tried following him, see if I could find his hide out. He figured it out and started changing his routes every night. I didn't give up.”

Jason lied, though really should he be all that surprised? He said and did what was needed to keep Dick under his control until Dick no longer fought it and accepted it completely. But, Tim hadn't forgotten him, never meant to abandon him. He should feel happy, should feel something but nothing in him changes. Maybe he really is beyond repair.

“It doesn't matter. It happened, it can't be helped.”

“That's not true, you're home now. We can help you.”

“I don't want your help.” he just wants to be back where he belongs and this place isn't it. Not anymore.

They sit together for another hour, Tim tries a different approach and talks about Bruce and what had happened to him. Dick is only half listening though and Tim keeps stumbling on his words. He's trying so hard. Dick feels numb and stares around the room then realizes something. Something so simple and so amazing.

“There are windows in this room.”

“Yea of course.” Tim says.

“And the sun, that's why it's so warm.”

“Yea.” Tim begins piecing together Dick's thoughts.

“It's been awhile.”

He craved the sunlight so badly in those first months he thought he'd go insane without it, and maybe he kind of did. The white light of the florescent bulbs in Jason's base hid no detail, gave no warmth. Cold and raw. Just like him.

“I'm really screwed up.” his eyes watering. He can't lose it. Not now, it'll be too much.

Tim reaches out to put a hand on his but he flinches away. The teen looks like he's about to apologize but Dick shakes his head. It's been so long, so very long, since anyone besides Jason has touched him. He's afraid of what it might do to him. How he'll react.

“Sorry.” he quietly says.

“It's OK." Tim pushes out a small smile Dick wishes he could return, "How about we go downstairs for breakfast? I think Alfred's making pancakes.”

Dick looks across the room to the bathroom door, “Could I shower first? I'll meet you down there.”

Tim considers it for a moment then nods his head, “Sure.”

He watches his brother leave the room, his shoulders sagging the minute the door closes. Dick kicks off the rest of the blanket and pushes himself from the bed. He doesn't really want to shower he just needs the few minutes alone, to think – or at least attempt to. Because he really doesn't know what to think. He should feel safe here with his family but all he wants is to feel Jason's arms around him again. They were starting to **be** something he's certain of it. Maybe Jason would have been the one to show him daylight again, they just needed more time.  
Dick changes into a plain shirt and sweatpants before leaving he pauses at the bedroom door. The knob turns easy, no locks, no deadbolts, and the door swings open with a simple push. It's so bizarre he almost expects something to be waiting for him on the other side but the hallway is empty. He's running on muscle memory as he walks down the stairs on shaky feet. He can hear Alfred and Tim in the kitchen but finds himself veering off towards the grandfather clock and slipping into the cave. He wonders if Bruce has already spotted him on the cameras and knows he's coming. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs he turns to the computer console where Bruce would most likely be, and is, sitting -and yes he was watching him. He shouldn't have expected any different.

“A lot can happen in a year huh?” Dick wants to sound conversational. Like he isn't a complete wreck.

“You shouldn't be down here. You should be resting.”

“It's too hot, it's colder here.”

“Dick,-" Bruce pauses, "you're shaking.”

“What?” and then he feels it, the tremble in his hands, the weakness in his knees. The knot forming in his chest making it hard to breathe.

Bruce stands to leave the console and step over to him. Dick feels so small, Bruce is even taller than Jason. It's not that he's forgotten it's just that he never expected to see the older man ever again. It's almost unreal. His mind flashes to the dreamed up image of Bruce looking down on him with disgust and disappointment. He had to know what he had done with Jason, he had to.  
Dick's too busy in his own head to notice Bruce moving closer until he feels a hand on his shoulder. _It's not Jason._ The circuits go off. It's an attack. He has to move, needs to counter. He ducks under the touch and sends out a punch that gets blocked. He's about to try again when his brain clicks back on, this is Bruce.  
He steps back, fear pouring into him, “I- I didn't mean- I...”

Bruce actually tried to comfort him and he lashed out. Solid proof of what he's become. That he doesn't belong. Dick runs from the cave, darting up the stairs then up the next set into his bedroom. He slams the door and rushes into the bathroom locking it behind him, he knows they can get in if they want but he needs those extra seconds. He twists open the cold water and strips off his clothing. It's icy. It makes him gasp. He needs the distraction. There's someone already knocking on the door, probably Tim, but he ignores it. He hugs himself tightly a hand sliding up to his shoulder. Jason's mark, it's only beginning to heal. Dick traces his fingers over the wound before his nails dig in hard enough to draw blood. It's not the same.  
Tears fall from his eyes. He's home right? Things should be OK now. He's safe. Yet all he wants is to be with the man who broke him. He sinks to his knees sobs overtaking him, doesn't even notice Tim busting in. Doesn't notice the water shutting off or feel the towel drape over his shoulders. There's a buzzing in his ear of someone speaking but it sounds so distant he can't make anything out. He's pulled up on wobbly legs and taken back to his bed. It's warm against his frozen body. The blanket replaces the towel and he falls back, curling onto his side.  
Dick shuts his eyes. Maybe it's all a bad dream. He'll wake up back in the bedroom he knows. Then when he begins to shift he'll feel an arm pull him close. He'll tilt his chin up and accept the first sloppy morning kisses he's grown accustomed to. They'll lay there in the warmth that they created. Together. He just has to wake up.


End file.
